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EP 98: Utterly fucking miserableSo what you doing about about it?

Vegard has a sad. Vegard is very sad. Vegard had a bad day. What a day Vegard had. (With apologies to Dr Suess). Find out why, and what that has to do with clients who make you miserable.

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EP 97: Help!I rent a chair and I need to know how to make more money

It's the same old story: Someone posts on social media with a plea to how to get more business. And they get the same old answers every time. Do these things actually work? We're here to tell you they don't. And what to do instead. Huuuge amount of value in this session. Don't miss it.

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EP 96: Teach your Granny to suck eggsWith self-imposed deadlines

You're never gonna believe what Kat has done to her cat now. At least Vegard can't believe it, and thinks he's heard it all. Find out what, and how to teach you granny to suck eggs to get things done.

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EP 95: I want the big pumpBut is it big?

In a world exclusive Vegard reveals why many businesses fail in the first 5 years! You heard it here first folks. And then he talks about wanting a big pump. A lot. If you wonder what that has to do with your salon or clinic business, it's a lot. Listen in, or be sorry you didn't.

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EP 94: If it doesn't scare youIt's not heavy enough

Our version of feel the fear and do it anyway as Kat is thrown off a mountain wearing nothing but a blanket. Truth. We also rap about assuming the position and being the best at anything.

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EP 93: Wham, Bam,Thank you follow up

It's quick. It's to the point. It's punchy. And there's a happy ending. Vegard leads this week with an insight into his buying behaviour and what he hates about follow up. Hint: he doens't get it very often. Wink, wink.

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EP 92: Wake up !But I'm too tired...

What happens when you run out of energy to run your business? Why are you tired all the time? Why do you resent going into 'work'? And why can't you take a holiday? In this episode we deviate a bit from our usual directness and get in touch with our feels. Oooooooh.

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EP 91: Why they invented sex toysand other pleasures

Penguins, needles, buses, bubbles. Just a few of the delectable pleasures in this weeks discussion. Along with a major trauma from Vegard, and a happy ending. Intrigued? You should be...

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EP 90: Conspiracies, theories, and ShakespeareDon't believe everything you hear

This week we take a poke at conspiracy theories (or are they?); Did Shakespeare really write all that ado?; And what about changing the weather, can they really do that? The point? Well we do have one, and it is really relevant to your business and could save you a fuckton of money, pain and effort...

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EP 89: Why are you carrying all that pain?Let us take a load off

Kat's in pain, or she is a pain. Whatever. It's painful. And it's been going on for some time. Like years. Actually, more like decades. But she's doing something about it, and in this episode we find out why. And how it directly relates to your business. Also find out how Vegard's family are bending him to their will...

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EP 88: Why your staff are stealing from youAnd what you can do about it

Vegard hijacks a plane (truth), a passenger kicks off, and then he tries to buy a book. Well, probably not the best plot for a Hollywood blockbuster, but there is a lesson here. Find out what your sneaky little staff do to your bottom line when you don't even notice, and then start seeing your profits rise when you know what to do.

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EP 87: Vikings vs RomansThe battle for the sun and your customers

Kat talks a lot (like that never happened before), about finding out the real reason customers buy from you. And it's no different here. Find out why and your why, and just why, why why... Oh, and Vegard does get a chance to talk too, but not too much...

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EP 86: Why the chubby boy will be posting photos of himselfIn his underpants

No one forces you to listen to our podcasts. That said, you're going to enjoy listening to why Vegard is chubby boy, and find out why he's going to be posting pics of himself in his underpants on the GYSF Show website. Be afraid. And we find out why growing a business is like dieting. And how you can succeed at both.

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EP 85: Fuck, it was workingBut now it's not

What is Vegard doing with his rabbits? What is Kat doing with sand? Why is Kat whinging about her maid and being on a budget? You're going to have to dig deep to claw out the value in this episode, but it is there, along with a few laughs.

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EP 84: Beware the SmellOf the Solution Right Under Your Nose

Vegard is sick. Again. Kat's pussy goes walkabout. And a business falls apart more quickly than anyone could anticipate. But there is value here in this podcast, it's right at the beginning so you won't have to wait long. And we'll even say the solution will prevent your business from falling apart the instant you apply it. Truth.

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EP 83: 24 hours without powerWould you survive?

Why are we scared of innovation? Why are the countries we call home, and the leaders of them stifling our creativity? What would happen if you lost all power for 24 hours and you had to continue trading? What would you do? And what does selling fishballs to the Swedes have to do with your business? Find out here.

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EP 82: Bad shoes, bad sexAnd how you lose customers with low prices

Vegard goes shopping and gets his bubble popped. In this (as usual) riveting episode, find out why lowering your prices gives your customer a bad sex life. Truth.

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EP 81: I've got the wobblesHow to stop doubting your worth

Vegard has a sad. The big softie reveals what a big bunny-lover he is and breaks mums hearts around the globe. Meanwhile, Kat has taken on a new project aimed at children, (how the fuck will she manage not to swear at them?) and discovers a lot of creative people, in a lot of different industries really undervalue their worth. Are you one of them? And who do you turn to when you you're having a bit of a wobble about your true value?

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EP 80: Showing up on time, or just even showing up at allHow to stop no-shows eating your profits

When you get through the first half of this podcast and are not offended by chem-trails, activated almonds, super-food and thought-control conspiracies, we've got a cracking strategy to reduce, even eliminate the no-shows that are costing your business money. And we'll even throw in some insight about being busy and being profitable.

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EP 79: The perils of chasing bright, shiny, mosquitoesDoomsday Preppers

Ever wondered what language a rabbit living in Norway speaks? Or a dog? Or what cat tastes like? We have the answers to all these and more on this dodgy episode. And find out why you should NOT be chasing mosquitoes in your car, especially when you're driving. Don't worry, it's all part of an awesome analogy on what you should focus on in your business to make the easy money, and be prepared for Doomsday.

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EP 78: Slippery roadsTreacherous Prices

You can't challenge a Viking to a snowfall comparison and expect to win. Vegard's on about the weather. Again. Along why Ski Dubai was built by the wrong type of people, and why he goes to shopping malls (and it's not to shop). We also make it very clear that prices are your biggest make or break in your business and what you should do to make your not broken.

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EP 77: I know exactly how your 2019 is going to beAnd I can prove it

Kat is back in bed and Vegard reveals what he does on the 'nightshift'. Might have something to do with the crystal balls he has. Or not. Welcome to another edition of The Grow Your Salon Fast Show, where we predict how 2019 is going to be for you. And what you can do about it. We've also go the low down on weight loss. Multi talented I tell you...

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EP 76: You can't change the beginningAnd the danger of adopting rabbits

To paraphrase Chucky, we're back! And we know you missed us over the seasonal ie Christmas and New Year break. So we've got a good one for you. Kat's in bed, Vegard's got rabbits (growing in number daily), and the dog has lost his nuts. We talk about getting out of your own way and that it's ok to admit mistakes, as long as you don't keep on making them. And we've got an offer you can't resist. Told you we're back...

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EP 75: The Vomit Comet RevisitedOr, why your most important goal should be freedom

Kat has a momentous day and ticks one off the bucket list after 31 years. And it's that's not necessarily a good thing. Vegard encounters a bad smell and immediately knows he's not going to get any sleep that night. Meanwhile, there's wisdom in taking responsibility for things, even when it's not obviously your fault, and a lesson for your salon, clinic or spa business especially if you're struggling to take time off.

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EP 74: It's all overWhen to quit

Stop press! Vegard takes Kat's advice and quits! Is it all over? Well it might be, and now's a good time to know when to quit. If you're flogging a dead horse you're wasting your time. Find out if you're suffering from a case of sunk cost fallacy and why it's costing you dearly.

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EP 73: Pinching for ProfitsWhy is it so hard to make money?

You have a choice: without being given any other information would you choose a £30, £80 or £140 haircut? Find out what the best one is for you and what your customer would choose in this very revealing episode.

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EP 72: In times of stressThe true colours fly

Kat is back in the driving seat and reveals an area of human behaviour she's an expert in. Discover what your staff do in times of stress and what you can do about it so it doesn't become your issue. Vegard's heard and seen it all before with his staff, so it's not unique, but then, he also thinks everyone is inherently good, so... The important thing is once you're aware of this behaviour you'll never have a problem with it again.

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EP 71: Being exposed and vulnerable and not knowing what to do nextWhen the last thing you need is condesencion from above

Kat is exposed and left hanging, and she confesses to not actually knowing something. A plane crashes into the ocean and no one hears about it, well, not in her neck of the woods anyway, and Vegard geeks out on his flight simulator. What does this all have to do with your business? Let's just say it's a relief when someone offers to help.

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EP 70: Assisted liftingWhy we all need support in our business

We take a deviation from telling you what you should be doing in your salon business, as Kat reveals some very deep and personal about her own failures in her business. Why we don't like getting help, and why we should. It's quite a tera-jerker this episode, but Vegard keeps it real with questions about his wiener.

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EP 69: I don't knowNo idea, not a clue

Vegard is happy, very happy, it appears he likes following 6-year-olds to school. He's also been locked in a dark room, doing something with a torpedo. Kat thinks it should've been a permanent solution. Someone asks the wrong question about how much time you should spend marketing your salon business. And Kat gives away a massive piece of value at the end, stay tuned for that nugget, it might just save your salon.

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EP 68: Don't StopDon't. Stop. Don't! Stop! Don't, Stop

Recruiting staff and pricing your services. Two seemingly separate things but actually have a lot in common. Want to know how to both successfully? This is the podcast for you. And we'll throw in some top tips about husky dog sled riding and dogs barking. Random, but fun. Oh, and there's another shout out this week. Is it you?

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EP 67: Your WebshiteWhat it really says about you

Vegard is getting all hipster (or is that hamster?) and growing a beard, whilst Kat is getting feisty, fighting with the bin men. It's not all anger and angst though as we point out what's wrong with 99.9999% of websites and why they're pushing customers away rather than attracting them in.

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EP 66: I Think I'm Turning Japanese Part 2Further Lost in Translation

Vegard and Kat take on a neo-punk from Devon, UK who speaks fluent Japanese but teaches Japanese to speak English. Confused? Us too. We take on the fabulous Julian Northwood-Kitagawa and discover why learning a language is just like running a salon. It is. Truly. And how you can get more wins just by pretending to be confident. This is Part 2 of a 2-part episode.

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EP 65: I Think I'm Turning Japanese Part 1Lost in Translation

Vegard and Kat take on a neo-punk from Devon, UK who speaks fluent Japanese but teaches Japanese to speak English. Confused? Us too. We take on the fabulous Julian Northwood-Kitagawa and discover why learning a language is just like running a salon. It is. Truly. And how you can get more wins just by pretending to be confident. This is Part 1 of a 2-part episode.

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EP 64: The Lies We Tell OurselvesAnd Others

Why do people lie? There are four main reasons. Find out if any relate to you in this episode. And then once you know, find out how you can use it to your advantage. Not by lying of course... And then there's the 3 questions you can ask yourself that will really challenge the way you think about your business and turn it around, if you dare...

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EP 63: This Shit WorksThat's All

In this sparkling episode Kat reveals how she got groin strain, Vegard tells how the earth shook for him and we both wonder why people buy books and don't read them. We also delve into the puzzling reason salon, spa and clinic owners don't do things that work to get more clients, get better ones, and be more successful.

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EP 62: How do you know you're buying the best dog treats?And other important questions

What do dog treats and clinics have in common? And how do you know which one is the one for you (or your dog). If you thought last week's episode was rambling, this one wins hands (or paws) down. Kat has officially lost the plot and Vegard gives away his family. Hedgehogs make an appearance as does a random washing machine. And you can find out how your ideal clients find you.

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EP 61: Why have you never been asked the 'why' question?It will change your mind

It's a bit of a rambling mess of orange backpacks, school uniforms, furry pencil cases and snow on your outdoor furniture, but... ... we do get to a point somewhere. And it's a damn good one. It's a question you don't get asked often, if at all, and it's critical to your salon, spa or clinic success, even if your answer is "I don't remember". Listen in to find out the answer to "Why?"

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EP 60: Where Do You Start?The Cockermouth Files

Where do you start when you're faced with 27 piles of dogshit on your kitchen floor? And how is that related to getting more clients into your business? In this episode we rap about where to start, how to start, and that overwhelming drowning feeling you have before you start. And there's a shout out to a listener in the brilliantly-named town of Cockermouth in the far north of England. Is it you?

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EP 59: Why Do You Let Your Clients Make You Feel Bad?The Hot and Sweaty Truth About Your Prices and Your Worth

In Vegard's opinion, Kat would benefit from testosterone shots. Kat's not so sure, although she's sure Vegard should just nod his head and say yes to anything she says. Vegard thinks 'Crossfitters' look ridiculous, and Kat thinks Vegard should take a look at himself in the mirror when he's at the gym, before he passes comment. We go deep into the bad, bad, feelings you have when a client complains about your price, and address the issue of charging higher prices than your competitors. Get hot and sweaty with us in this episode.

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EP 58: You're Sooooooo RepetitiveOr, How to be Successful Without Bright Shiny Things

Kat's puppy is going through puberty. Already. So it's a madhouse at hers. Meanwhile, Vegard is feeling a bit weepy. Death in the family? No. Hormonal? No. Something to do with a pram. Where's the value? Well actually, we give away a lot in this episode, more than usual. There's more nuggets here than on a daggy sheep.

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EP 57: Forcing it UndergroundHow Naughty Things Find Their Way Out

This week we're all about suppression, the law of attraction, seminar junkies, the Secret, abortion, drinking, and a whole load of other random bollocks. Listen in only if you're committed and decisive...

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EP 56: Trigger HappyStacking your shit till it reaches overload level

Vegard has a new convertible, but it's only for princesses, how many has he had in it so far? Kat's pool has closed due to a code brown, that's a bummer in the summer in the glitterpit for sure. Not as painful as a new puppy though, and it's from that pain a new trick was discovered: Trigger Stacking. Or why your bad day just gets worse and worse. Discover the two choices you can make in this entertaining episode.

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EP 55: But I told you...Do as I say

Heard about the client who had her colour done, after much time and attention in the chair, and then went and fucked it up with silver shampoo? And then went back to the salon and blamed them? What would do if a client did that to you? Or indeed if any client didn't follow your explicit instructions for any service or treatment? And what are you buying when you buy a hole in the wall? No glory hole jokes puhleeease. And you rather have a husband or a naked handyman fix the problem? Find out the answers to these and many other random ramblings here.

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EP 54: Are your emotions out to destroy you?Decisions, decisions, decsions

If you have a big decision to make there's one piece of advice you should know before you commit, simple but effective, and you can say you've heard it here first. We also talk, cars, cats, puppies and monster trucks, and how Kat's husband is trying to kill her...

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EP 53: The deep sexy voice of reasonCall it what you want, your salon, spa, clinic is not different

What's in a name? More to the point, what's in a name of a business? And why has Vegard got the sexiest voice alive? We bust the myths of your business being different from any other industry, but conversely how to stand out from the crowd. Confused? Us to. Discover why farming cows is no different to injecting botox, and why industry regulation sucks balls, in Kat's opinion, in this scintillating episode. Oh, and we have a really cool offer for you, so stay to the end.

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EP 52: You're So SelfishAnd Other Guilt

What do you call a boat with a hole in it? A submarine. Vegard's family legacy springs a leak, Kat has a new addition to the family, and did you hear about the cat who peed on electrical outlets?!! You know you need to get things done right? But how are you going to do everything you want when the staff go sick, or your schedule is full? Kat and Vegard give you a golden tip to have more time, that works. And you get permission to be more selfish.

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EP 51: What to Do When You've Hurt Someone's FeelzHelp Me, I've Been Triggered!

Hot on the heels of the most boring podcast ever, Kat and Vegard up their game and go for the soft, quivering, underbelly of the hard of thinking. That is, how to deal with the morons in your life, who have everything to say about nothing relevant. There's also a kindergarten graduation, a 70th and relationship breakup thrown in. More drama than daytime TV.

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EP 50: RevengeWhy it's Never About the Haircut

It's out 50th episode and we celebrate by sitting in a bar, and not drinking. WTF?! Kat didn't think the podcasts could get any more boring, but when she and Vegard are actually in the same room, in the same country, together, well, sparks do not fly. And then there's a lurking, cunning linguist, interloper who makes a brief appearance. Where is this all heading? Down the toilet, fast. And find out why existential revenge is the REAL reason behind a haircut.

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EP 49: Sticky American TentaclesWhy So Many Men are Crap at Dating

Vegard's relationship with a large American is over, but the sticky tentacles of desperation are making it very difficult to leave. Meanwhile, Kat's in a bar with a man to woman ratio of 12:1, and she could have her pick of any one, why then would she go home with a Spaniard? Discover how desperation kills you game, and what you can do instead.

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EP 48: Getting Intimate With Your ClientsGet Drunk and Have a Bitchfest

Why don't salon owners know much about their clients? Why would a dream client be one that is open to change? Why do your staff resemble your ideal client? And how do you repel the nasty ones? Oh, and what's the weather forecast in Norway, and why do they have red snow? Find out in this exhilarating episode...

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EP 47: Transsexual Selling on National DayAKA Vegard needs elocution lessons

It's National Day in Norway, and it's soooo rock'n'roll. Not. But what does that have to do with your salon? Well it's all about parties and relationships and how you can have a nicer life with transformational (not transsexual) selling, rather than transactional selling. You'll just have to listen in to see what we mean...

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EP 46: Sitting in the Corner, Rocking Back and Forward, With Your Thumb in Your MouthYou're Not Alone

Sometimes things are just better together. Running a salon business can be a lonely job, and the alternative of going back to being employed by someone just makes you a tiny bit sick in your mouth. So what to do? In this riveting episode, Kat and Vegard throw the idea of Masterminds around, insult stupid parents, advocate libertarianism, and reveal the secret of going from a 6-figure salary or turnover to a 7-figure one. And it's not that difficult. Not to be missed.

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EP 45: Stop Being So Fucking BoringHow to Wave Your Big Stick Around and Still Have Time to Do Stuff

Do you have a good vomit story? Kat does, she loves a good vomit story, and it all started with an uncharacteristic potter in the garden... Meanwhile Vegard enjoys waving his big dick, err, stick around to get stuff done. There's quite a bit of value in here about getting more done without being fucking boring. And look out for the sting in the tail... We go over what we're doing to be GDPR compliant, that scary thing coming soon, and we guarantee 95% of salon owners will be unprepared for. More fool them.

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EP 44: You Want Me to Stick That Pineapple Where?How to Deal With Difficult People

Vegard has been watching eyes being sliced open and it's made him a bit weird, as he talks about putting pineapples in personal places. Kat talks pineapples too, but only as an example of why even on your worst days you need a bit of perspective. Even this description is sounding a bit strange... Fear not, there is some value in here, we talk about pricing your shit and how to deal with difficult people.

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EP 43: Independence DayHow to Get Your Staff Fully Booked and Have Less to Do

Kat has a birthday and explains why her pool boy polishes her pink flamingo. She's clearly been at the gin & tonic birthday cake. Meanwhile Vegard is looking after a princess and describes his life-changing business breakthrough. And we show you how to get your staff fully booked, give yourself more freedom, and make more money to boot.

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EP 42: Are You Covering Up The Stink?How to Get More Cash Flow Without Discounting Your Salon Services

Kat reveals her seven degrees of separation to British comedian Graham Norton. Vegard reveals how a Norwegian Eurovision entrant won the event by using a simple marketing strategy you could use in your salon. We find out why taxi drivers want Vegard's number and Kat relives her smelly encounter in a cab. The gem hidden in the middle of this episode is how you can improve your cash flow instantly, with one simple, free action, and it doesn't involve discounting. Sandwiched somewhere between a deaf Vegard and a naked Bjork.

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EP 41: The Tired, Lonely, Salon OwnerAre You Watching Too Much Late Night Porn?

After last week's cliffhanger we find out what happened to Vegard, with his dramatic disappearance, and why he really should be reported to child services. We also find out why salon owners are watching late night porn on TV, and how that affects their business. Kat reveals why Australia doesn't actually exist, and there's a fair bit of anti-vaxxer and flat-earther bashing, after all, they're the pond scum in the ecosystem of life. If you are at all offended by any of the above, this is NOT the podcast for you. But you should leave a troll review before you unsubscribe. Go on, we dare you.

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EP 40: Bad HabitsAnd Why You Can't Break Them

We're a quarter of the way through the year and we bet those New Year's Resolutions are sitting in a dark corner, rocking back and forth, covered in cobwebs, and quietly sobbing to themselves. Kat and Vegard reveal why and share the secrets of changing bad habits and forming good ones. A masterful plan for getting more shit done in your business if you're having trouble linking habits and salon success. And we find out why Vegard has a glacier in his garden. and it's not global warming.

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EP 39: It's Getting a Bit WeirdWhat Your Staff Really Think of You

Somehow we managed to go down a deep and twisty wormhole with this episode, I mean, what do Kat's craft cupboard and Vegard's hot seat erection have to do with running a successful salon? You'll just have to have a listen. There is a bit of value in here though as we reveal some of the results of Vegard's salon survey and find out what Staff really think of their Salon Owner.

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EP 38: Sneaky Facebook Part 2How Facebook Knows You're Pregnant Before You Do

Kat and her surrogate son, the New Prophet of Facebook Marketing, continue to dish the inside secrets to how to make money from your Facebook posts, and the inside secrets to how Facebook knows you're pregnant before you do. Spooky stuff. And how you can leverage their massive database and clever analysis to get a tonne of better clients into your salon.

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EP 37: Sneaky Facebook Part 1How to Beat the Social Media Giant and Get More Clients

In retaliation for Episode 31 Kat ditches Vegard for a younger model. Connor is the new Prophet of Facebook Marketing. Joke. But he is bloody good at all thing Facebook and how to make a lot of money for your salon from it. He tells us very few people are using Facebook correctly to market their salons, but the ones who are are creaming it. We talk about how you can make money from your likes and how to get around the sneaky tricks Facebook put in place to actually steal money from you. So much value we had to cut it in two!

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EP 36: But I Can Get It Cheaper OnlineHow to Stop Your Clients Buying Your Products Elsewhere

Vegard tells the one about the client who buys the products her stylist recommends (and has in store), on the internet, in front of her. Outrageous. Then Kat reveals a couple of foolproof ways to stop that behaviour dead in its tracks. For good. And make your salon more profitable, and attractive to others at the same time. Value is oozing out of this episode. Don't miss it.

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EP 35: The King of Denmark Has An Expensive OneWhat Are Yours Worth?

What does a dead Dane and a Christmas present from Kat's Dad have in common? More than you think. We're back with death and destruction this week, but more importantly how expensive you think you are. What's the value of a coffin, and what's your worth? Find out if you're too expensive, just right, or no-where near enough in this exciting episode. And find out if Vegard ever pisses on his hands to release them from an icy door handle (insert appropriate emoji here).

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EP 34: Hearing VoicesWhat a Dead Swede Can Teach You About Your Salon Business

Vegard's been stuffing his face and posting pics of himself in his underpants again, and it's not pretty. Meanwhile, Kat is hearing voices and they are not making sense. And Mr Ikea died recently but he left behind a legacy (and we're not talking about pencils or flatpacks) we can all learn from.

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EP 33: Get Shit DoneHow to Achieve More in 12 Weeks Than 12 Months

Kat has made a rather large error and finds herself camping. Kat doesn't do camping. Vegard meanwhile tries to load firewood through a closed window, and discovers the laws of cause and effect. But then we get serious and rap about the best way to get more shit done than you can possibly dream of. By doing less. Sound too good to be true? Listen and see.

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EP 32: Getting Revenge On Your ExWhy It's a Great Idea

We get into a 'deep and meaningful' about how to discover your deepest motivations. And why that's going to make you loads of cash. We also reveal how to turn your client's pain into your gain (in an ethical way of course). And Vegard tells us why he's cheating with his wife.

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EP 31: Engage Your Retard FilterWeed Out Idiots With This Secret Formula

Kat has once again been ditched by Vegard in favour of a fucking Aussie! Outrageous. But Mark - that's his name - is a bit of a clever Aussie, as Kat grudgingly admits. He employs hundreds of staff, in the Phillipines. And is listed as one of the top 50 companies in Australia in terms of new growth. Find out what's more effective than a pay rise when it comes to motivating your staff, how to deal with underperformance, a foolproof interview process to weed out the idiots, and how to create your own superstar staff. Cos they're not going to just walk in off the street. And Vegard contributes with a profound discovery comparing the Phillipines with his frozen country in the North.

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EP 30: Vegard Chases His WoodAnd a Big, Burly, Farmer Delivers

Is there any value in this episode? Vegard is having problems getting wood. And then he tries to kill his wife. Kat reckons all single women should move to Norway due to the over-abundance of single Norwegian men. But if you believe everything you read on FB does falling tree make a sound? Oh, yeah, the value is in recognition. We show you why your clients love it, and how to get them to become a loyal, raving fan.

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EP 29: Get Rid of Your BasinsShould the Government Tell You How to Run Your Salon?

Kat takes over in the driving seat, of the Ferrari. Again. And Vegard takes over Ireland. As Vikings are wont to do. We take on the government, regulators and competitors who piss and moan and get their knickers in a twist. In a bid to get the clients you want through your door. And we reveal the race you definitely do not want to win.

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EP 28: How to Create Maximum OffenseTrolls Gonna Troll

Kat and Vegard have gone all out this week to see how many people they can offend. There's quite an impressive list. Why? Because it's fun. And also it's a good lesson in positioning yourself in business to attract the clients you like and want to work with. We also take on trolls and how to deal with them. In Vegard's case, the trolls are a little too real. And Kat triggers Jesus.

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EP 27: Have You Given Explicit Consent?A New Year Story

Kat thought Vegard could stoop no lower with the boring topics, but he's excelled himself this time. We're talking GDPR, which is apparently like sex: best when it's free. Don't know what GDPR is? You'll wish you didn't after this... the only consolation is you'll know before everyone else does and you'll be able to do something about it. Because GDPR is coming...

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EP 26: Son of a PriestWhy Christmas Should be Ignored

Vegard shares a startling revelation, we get all religious, and there's some divine intervention. There's also opinion, pleasing others, pleasing yourself (steady, it's not that kind of show. Or is it?), ignorance and bliss. And that's all to do with your business. And Kat's mum becomes a Kiwi, after thinking about it for over half a century.

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EP 25: Death and DestructionThe Downfall of Organic Marketing

Facebook is dead. Fact. Well, not quite dead, but certainly heaving some death rattles. And there's more doom and gloom when it comes to 'free' marketing. Yip, it's an apocalypse out there. There is a glimmer of light though, you just have to know where to look. And that's what we rap about here. Oh, and the mini-QBofE went on her first date. Awwwwwwwwww.

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EP 24: Suck It UpGetting Over the Sunk Cost Fallacy

Ever paid for something which doesn't work and you persist with it anyway because, damn it, you've paid for it? Kat has, in a past life, and it was a pretty expensive mistake. Why don't we like to admit when we're wrong? And what makes us blindly follow along with the crowd? We reveal all and also tell you why it's too late for Christmas.

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EP 23: The Most Boring Podcast EverDon't Listen Unless You're a Masochist

What possessed us to talk about marketing being like a train journey? Are we trying to attract train spotters? Who knows what this podcast is about, but apparently Vegard nearly gets taken in by Child Services. So that's something...

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EP 22: My Poor Pussy is Squirting EverywhereBe Less Vanilla

Kat rides in a Ferrari, it's red, fast, and obnoxiously loud. What does that have to do with your salon? It's a lesson in positioning yourself and standing out from the other me too's in the industry. She has a 'tasteful' tale of her squirting pussy, and there's a cameo appearance from the mini-QBofE. If you've got a sensitive stomach, this may not be the episode for you.

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EP 21: Vegard's Dog Has BoobsCan you be a Salon Owner and Still Work on the Floor?

Guilt - it's the number one human motivator. Not what you want to hear I know. But in this episode you can learn how to own that emotion and use it to create more cashflow, and have more time to work on your business to grow it. Oh and Vegard tells us why his dog has boobs and what she does with socks.

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EP 20: It's All Your FaultPlaying the Blame Game, and Winning

Sensitive Snowflakes, Baby Boomers, Entitled Generations, The Government, Aliens, and Dead Elvises. They're the reason your salon is not as successful as it could be. Right? Hmmmmm... We take a look at how you can cream it despite all that shit.

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EP 19: Bad NewsIf You're Looking for a Quick Fix

Vegard is careless with his codes and loses money. Meanwhile Kat sees "two of everything". We bust the myth of the laptop lifestyle, show you why you'll never sell a pork sausage to a vegetarian, and reveal what marketing isn't.

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EP 18: How to Get People To Do What You WantInfluence Your Way to More Profits

Convenience is an underestimated motivator, as Kat has found out in her exile Downunder. She's turned into Princess Bitch rather than Queen Bitch, and discovers that open fires are not romantic. In this episode we reveal how to implement Cialdini's 6 Principles of Human Influence into your marketing, so you can be more persuasive. In a moral, ethical and legal way of course...

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EP 17: Healthy Bum, Healthy WorklifeHow to Get Rid of Repetitive Pain Doing Salon Work

In a revenge move, Vegard dumps Kat for a more muscular co-host. Phil the C***, an expert in weight loss and fitness. Why? Well to run a successful business you also need to look after yourself. So Vegard and Phil reveal what you can do to ease repetitive strain, how to balance your posture, how to do resistance training without ending up looking like a bull on steroids, why you don't want the skinny-fat runner's body, and why you don't have to live in the gym to be fit and healthy. They also show you all that stands between you and a pain-free life are your bullshit excuses (and how to get rid of them). But wait there's more: how and what to eat when in a hurry, the 30-second, super-healthy balanced meal, AND the one, scary secret to sticking to your diet and training regime (and what underwear's got to do with it).

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EP 16: You're Getting in Your Own WayWhy Self-Limiting Beliefs are Costing You Money

Kat takes a flight on the vomit comet, hosts a toxic pathogen, gets insulted by a pharmacist, and gets looked after by her mum. Meanwhile Vegard discovers cardio is a waste of time, looks back to when he first increased his prices, and gets out on his bike. And you get to discover how your own beliefs around money influence your prices more than you realise. And of course we show you what to do about it, so you're not giving yourself a self-inflicted wound.

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EP 15: The Secrets of My SuccessI've Got a Product For You...

We're back with Kat's pussies and Vegard's cock, and Vegard reveals an uncomfortable truth about his neighbour. We talk about The Hustle, Crushing It, the laptop lifestyle and attracting a meteorite to destroy your house with the act of collective consciousness. And then we expose the bullshit and tell you not everything is possible, and you can't be anything you want to be so suck it up buttercup. Oh, and then we talk about success, and how to really do it.

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EP 14: How to Be More Fucking InterestingAnd Stand Out From the Other Me-Toos in the Industry

Kat has a story about summer in the desert, and why the human species loves a story. We talk about getting your personality into the hands of your prospects, and how to make yourself more fucking interesting. It's simple but may require some work, but don't worry, we'll make it painless.

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EP 13: The Cashflow SolutionA Simple Way to Have Cash Every Month

The salon down the road is undercutting everyone and the natives are up in arms about them defying regulations. What can you do to protect your salon from the discounting demons? We talk about something no one seems to be doing but why you should, to have a guaranteed income each month. And what Netflix, Amazon, the gym, and bakeries have in common.

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EP 12: The Problem With Vegard's CockAnd Kat's Hot Pussy

Keeping your herd loyal is a simple as not being indifferent. We go deep into how to be relentless, how to follow-up clients without being a pest, what clients want to see from you, and how to make them salivating, raving fans. Oh and there is a lot of talk about Cocks and Pussies.

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EP 11: Are You Weeing All Over Your Website?Or is it Just Crap?

Five of the most common mistakes salon owners make on their website are revealed, and why this pushes potential clients away. Don't fret, we also show you what you can do to pull them back, and how one of the most expensive tools you will probably buy needs to work for you.

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EP 10: Where's Vegard?Kat Takes a Controversial Turn on the Mic with a Pet Business Expert

Kat ditches Vegard for a shorter redhead, called Dom, with a weird accent. As weird as the Norwegian? You decide. Kat and Dom spill the beans on how to get staff all excited, just like a dog with a chew toy, why a pet business is no different from a salon business, and the best way to get to know what your clients really want.

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EP 9: Showing ValueHow to Tap Into Your Client's 'Feelz' and Make Price Irrelevant

It's simple, it will make you instantly more profitable, but it's not sexy and most salon owners won't do it. We raise the pricing ogre again, but show you what to do when you get resistance. Kat admits her sexy-girl crush and how to live with a dickhead.

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EP 8: What Clients Want More Than Low PricesAnd it's Not What You Think

We continue on from Episode 5, yes it was that long ago, and give you the rest of the low-down on what clients want more than low prices. (Hint: it's not just good customer service). Why clients complain about price, the difference between want and need, and Kat calls Vegard's Ep. 5 travel story and raises him the ball-ache of business flights.

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EP 7: Staff Are Like ZebrasAnd How to Motivate Them

Let's head down to the zoo and discover what your employees' agenda is, how to tell your employee is not your friend, why you have bad employees, what motivates your employees, and are bonuses really a good idea?

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EP 6: Why Vegard Sucks at RecruitingAnd How You Can Do it Better

In this enlightening episode we rap about the 'S' Word, the 3 mistakes salon owners make when it comes to recruiting staff, the one thing you should be doing all the time to get great staff, how to predict staff behaviour, what you should base your interview questions on, and how to be the salon everyone wants to work in.

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EP 5: How to Price Your ShitRaising Your Prices Without Fear and Loathing

If you like Vegard's accent, you're in for a treat in this episode. He talks. A lot. But all good stuff about how to make maximum profits without fearing raising your prices, why following the rest of the industry is wrong, how to be different on the high street, who determines your prices, how cupcakes can bankrupt your business, and are there really that many price buyers out there? And Vegard takes us through a walk through an airport Duty Free store after a cancelled flight and a cheap ticket leaves him stranded for hours...

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EP 4: How The Italian Stallion Changed My LifeThe rule everyone should know

Small hinges swing big doors. You've heard that saying before, haven't you? Well, it's true. In this episode you'll get to know two of the most powerful numbers in the universe, and how understanding those numbers can improve your business (and life) significantly.

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EP 3: Have You Got Clients From Hell?How to sack them without losing money

We've all had them: the dreaded Clients from Hell. In this episode, we'll talk about just that - and why it's both necessary and okay to fire them (and how you can just that without losing money or feeling bad about it).

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EP 2: More Exciting Than Being CreativeWhy Strategy vs Tactics isn't Boring

What's the difference between strategy and tactics? In this episode, Kat and Vegard give you simple strategies and tactics to get more clients, sell them something, sell more to them over time and retain them.

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EP 1: We Interrupt This Programme...Why are You in Business

... to bring to you, for your delight, delectation and listening pleasure… The inaugural podcast of The Grow Your Salon Fast Show. That’s right, we have a podcast! Discover: * The true meaning of personal sovereignty * Why the hosts can never be employed * What happens when your sparkle wears off * What to do with people with opinions * ... and Vegard·s hard-luck walk-barefoot-in-the-snow-to-work story. Guaranteed to entertain. And you might learn a thing or two.

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